Possibility...or Magical Thinking?

I am a self-identified possibility seeker. Or am I?

Over the last few years I came to realize that when it came to investing my energy into helping to bring forward “possibilities” for how we might create a new “possibility” in the world – that is one of collective action towards collective change towards a healthful relationship with the earth – I was rather biased. Rightly so perhaps, as both the science and now the lived evidence is clear that humans have altered the biosphere in a way that could lead to our own extinction.

But still the question arose…can I really explore possibility when I am NOT sitting in the energy of possibility myself? Seated from my own place of very focused will, aim and outright need whilst talking about possibility started to seem a bit contradictory. Not to mention increasingly stressful. The more I talked about “possibility” (from my place of extreme attachment to outcome!) the more contracted I felt. What was going on?

Through a lot of personal inquiry I found that an archetypal aspect of me, my very own eternal child, had been running the show in both my first career in environmental science, and more recently in my Possibility Project Podcast. This eternal child part of me is just that…forever young! And as all wee ones do, she believes in magic. Her magical thinking is a beautiful thing and has in fact helped me through many dark times, BUT this is the ONLY kind of thinking that she has. She believes in magical possibilities long after reality has shown her something else.

---

When I saw how much she NEEDED to believe in the possibility of righting the wrongs of our collective relationship to the earth I came to realize that she was protecting us (little her and full on grown up me too). Protecting us from feeling the grief that we had pushed down underneath layers of sparkly hope. Grief at how much has changed already, how many fragile habitats are being pushed to their limits, how many beautiful creatures are going extinct, how full the oceans are of trash…how much is beyond my control.

Dam.

Not only did I have grief to feel, but I had an eternal child to rescue. She was getting tired, very very tired! Trying to save the world (and me!) from collapse was a big job for a little one.

So, what does all this mean for me now on the subject of “possibility”?

It means that although I am quite satisfied with what my eternal child and I have created in the world so far, letting her lead had reached the limits of what I could achieve. And when grown up me sat with the energy of “possibility” I was able to feel how much bigger it is than me, and how much it could teach me if I stopped thinking that I knew all of the answers. That meant getting out of judgement, out of my dualistic way of thinking, in this place of earth stuff where it gets really hard for me.

But, I think I can do it. You see I also discovered several other archetypes in me that are rather helpful in uncertain times. I found the mystic and her unbelievable faith. The teacher in me who is in such good relationship with the student in me that she always knows how little she knows. The alchemist in me who is willing to work with what presents every step of the way. The heater in me who is not afraid of hardship. The artist in me who understands that she is only a vessel through which the creator works, and that the final product is to be shaped through my hands, not by them.

And of course, the eternal child in me, that will help all the others to feel the light in those moments when the going gets too dark to see.

So am I a possibility seeker? Absofreakinlutely I am. And there have been many times on my quest when the possibilities that have unfolded have felt deeply and utterly MAGICAL :)))