The Equinox Balance of Give and Take

At equinox time, the balance of light and dark gives us all a chance to notice where our own imbalances are. This is good, as individuals we should always strive to have balance in our lives. However, as we move out of the very limiting story that has been passed on through our collective field since the dawning of the patriarchy – that of prioritizing individual gains at any cost to the collective – it can be increasingly difficult to separate where we feel light in our own lives from where so much darkness exists in places outside of ourselves. In these past few weeks I have lost track of the number of friends and clients that are feeling guilt as they confront their own privilege in the face of what unfolds in Ukraine. To live with so much ease and abundance while people elsewhere are either fleeing or fighting in an effort to survive can be hard to reconcile.

In the work of Family Constellations there is an understanding of the importance of the balance of give and take. The balance of give and take plays a fundamental role in our relationships to all things – our brothers and sisters, friends and partners, communities and workplaces, and to nation and to nature. However, it is understood that in some cases the give isn’t necessarily done towards the same person/place through which the receiving was taken. This is especially true for parents and children. Parents give, children take. Parents are big, children are little, and the flow moves from big to little. Children give back to their parents by paying it forward in a sense – putting what was received into their own children and into all of the other creations that they birth into the world.

Whenever we seek to support something bigger than us, especially a cause that exists outside of our spheres of family and community, we must also broaden our view of give and take. Yes we can protest, and hang flags, and give money. Some people have gotten very creative here recently! The movement to use AirBnB to get money to Ukranians by booking and paying for rooms that they have no intention of using is a wonderful one.

But what happens when that feels like not enough? What happens when it all feels so much “bigger” than us, but when our connection to the collective conscience is awakening and will no longer allow us to shrug it off and say oh well…nothing I can do? Apart from the fact that our personal conscience may no longer allow for apathy and inaction, it causes stress to not allow for the goodness received from life to pour forth into offerings for life. Accumulating energy of any kind, even the so called “good”, creates stagnancy that inhibits flow, which can cause all sorts of disruptions in our own bodies and energy systems. Likewise, not stopping to receive and constantly pouring out so much energy - most often into people and projects that are way bigger than us or far too numerous – is itself its own kind of sickness.

Instead of doing nothing (or a whole lot of the wrong kind of something), we can offer in a right way by using the increasing discomfort of having received so much, when others are challenged by so much, to move us into actions of the right size. This kind of giving through rightful actions, of the right size, supports the return to wholeness. This kind of giving comes not from the ego (which often believes it is so much bigger than everyone and everything else and the whole world needs it to save them – a harmful dynamic often established early on in life between parent and child). Rather, this kind of giving comes from a place of the full receiving of abundance and love and a full offering of abundance and love. It is called flow.

For me this meant stopping trying to save the whole world from climate change and instead taking up a voluntary position with our local Land Conservancy. This is the right size for me and means that I am effective in my giving. In choosing something the right size for me the giving can be effectively transported and received in a way that supports the bigger vision I have for global healing.

We are becoming increasingly aware that in our desire for something new we may actually be seeking to return to the state from which we came. More and more people are looking to the wisdom of our early ancestors. Through the reconstruction of the Proto-Indo-European language spoken around 4500-2500 BC, we learn much about how these early ancestors of ours viewed their place in the world. It is of little surprise that these people had just one word that meant both “to give” and “to receive”. They understood that both aspects were a part of one flow, and a balance of both essential for flow.

5000 years later, we still have that wisdom is in our cells. And although it is awakening in our own bodies as well as in the collective energetic field, it is up to us to anchor it onto this earth plane again through personal action. And truthfully...it doesn't matter what. Just do something that feels right and good. In this way we can honor everyone everywhere that only have enough to just about survive.